put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
