i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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