Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
