there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You're a waste of cheezeits
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
