I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
