You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
