How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
this just has baby written all over it
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
