I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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