Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
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How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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