jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
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Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
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Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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