Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
