So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize