3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
