Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
