Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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