Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
