I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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