WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Randomize
