i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
