Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
