9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize