Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
