You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
