i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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