Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize