In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I think my moral compass just broke
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