Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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