kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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