Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
