jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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