I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
