It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
