DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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