Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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