So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
