Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
