went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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