Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
