I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
