Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
