My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
