Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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