After last night, I could never be a politician.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
