i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
