I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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