I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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