i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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