This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
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