I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
a search helicopter?!
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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