He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
