Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
