i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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