I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
