It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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