i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
