She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
