Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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