wat bout pragnant strippers??
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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