I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
