Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I can't turn off my feet"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
