And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i love accidental penises.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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