Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
