my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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