You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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