I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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