i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
