i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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